if dreams could fly
by literallyjgs
Summary: au: four broken people brought together in the midst of their own personal tradgedies. what do they all have in common? the university of chicago.
1. prologue

**prologue.**

She woke unwillingly from the rays of yellow-gold rays of sunlight seeping through her window, the birds chirping loudly outside the window in a nearby tree. Besides that, the whole ambience had a unusual, but nice placidity to it. She opened her eyes slowly and darted them at her alarm clock, reading "7:15AM".

"Crap!" She whispered under her breath, scrambling out of bed almost at the speed of lighting, before crumbling back into her bed, defeated, completely embarrassed at her idiocy.

 _It was Saturday._

She opened her phone, and then sighed and sank back into her bed. Still no reply. Why would there be? She had thought that that self-deprecating comment was hilarious, but in the eyes of others, apparently, it wasn't. She was just trying to get involved in the conversation, building up the courage to finally speak up for herself, but it ultimately ended up smacking herself in the face, as always. Why did she even bother? She rolled over and buried her head into her pillow, unsure of whether to cry, scream or both. She settled on screaming into her pillow. She screamed, and screamed, and screamed some more, but stopped almost immediately after, tears began venturing their way down her face. _Of course._

She realised for a split second, that the mask she wore thick on her poisoned skin formed cracks, the truth, always came out as sharp cuts, as she sat alone at night with her demons on her back like wings of death, but she never knew how to get better. Those days dragged by longer and it took the sun so much time to rise, when she lay alone on her bathroom floor watching the rain run down her window and her pale, bruised cheeks; her mind never settled when she closed her tired eyes and she saw flashes of her future that caught her breath in her lungs which made her gasp the toxic of realisation; she was never as good as she'd dreamed. At night when the fatigue eventually drowned her and bit at her cold hands as she fell down the rabbit hole and into a crumbled wonderland. Life never held her back but dragged her down and nailed her to her grave as she lay down the blood red roses at her own funeral. Her eyes never left the sight of the void in which she could never fill whatever risks she took, the whispers around her drove her insane as the judge of society shunned her to an eternal anxious jail she gradually built herself as she sat on the cold seat of loneliness. She was never alright from the day she realised, this wasn't her life but her hell, she'd already died centuries ago but the pain that she held close to her shattered heart had stitched her mouth and mind closed and opened the door to limbo would never leave her side.

She was right. No matter how hard she tried, she always felt unwanted, always felt rejected by her peers. She was constantly lonely, engrossing herself in her work to occupy the time, isolated in her bedroom. It wasn't fair and she couldn't deal with it anymore. Maybe college could change that for her, change how people thought of her, make people like they - just feel wanted. It had worked for her older brother, so surely it could work for her. He'd graduated now though, and was working towards becoming a police officer in Illinois. He'd never told her where though. She had no clue why, but if her brother was keeping something from her it was probably for the best. Her brother was her best friend and she trusted him more than anyone else in the world. The thought of a better life, the thoughts of finally ending high school and never having to see all of the people that had made her life a living hell, the thought of a new chance at a new place with new people, the thought that she'd meet people that accepted the fact that she was a human being too, that's what she'd cling onto in times of desperation, like now.

She sighed and tried to fall asleep again, but couldn't. However much she tossed and turned, wriggling around trying to find a comfortable position, her loneliness taunted her mind and every inch of her being, so much that she was used to these sleepless nights. She got up after the realisation that she wasn't going to fall asleep hit her, and she sat at her desk got out a few textbooks and began taking more notes. She'd lose concentration only if she heard another sound in the house, or she'd gaze outside, looking at the rows of flowers scattered across the garden, neatly organised in colour coordinated patches, gleaming and gently swaying and whistling in the sunlight. Patches of crimson, amber, fuchsia and magenta roses and tulips, lavenders, snow-white lilies, bright orange marigolds, and a variety of blossoming trees surrounded the chartreuse coloured grass, enclosing it in its almighty beauty. Next to her was a bookcase filled with various genres of fiction, particularly the romance and mystery novels she revered. The thoughts, stories occupied her mind as she went about her day and it made her feel less alone. It helped her, she could relate to characters in books, more so than actual human beings. Her mother had told her it was unhealthy though, the amount of time she spent inside either working or reading. Her mother told her that she needed to go out more often, go make new friends; she'd never listen, never understand, that it wasn't her habits that were unhealthy, but the habits of the people around her and their pre-informed opinions which had no basis to them.

That's what she'd always tried to tell them but it didn't always go down so well. She'd always been labelled the know it all, the teacher's pet, the loner, the castaway, the smart-ass; she'd always been seen as overly astute and intelligent. She'd thought they were all jealous of her capabilities and that's what powered her forward even further to succeed; that she could get her revenge on them in a different way. She'd tried to change their preconceptions but she'd had to learn the harsh way of the opinionated mind of a teenage girl, the mind which never forgets about this one thing you did one time, or this one thing you said one time. Any attempt to try and alter their preconceptions was another feeble attempt that would make her feel worse off than she did before.

She put away her biology books after a while and debated climbing into bed again and trying to sleep, but she knew that wasn't going to be happening, and instead settled on reading through college letters. She'd got offers from all the colleges she'd wanted to go to, and now was the time that she needed to pick. All the typical universities someone of her academic capability would choose - Stanford, Yale, Harvard, Northwestern...but the one that really stood out to her, the one that she really wanted to choose, the University of Chicago. She'd always wanted to visit and in truth she'd really wanted to get as far away from these mean girls that have haunted her for every second of every day of her life since middle school; Chicago seemed far enough away for her. She wanted to jet off right now and never look back, away from the disconcerting looks from her parents, away from the people that had never appreciated her, the teachers that never let her show her full potential. This was her second chance, her new chapter. Where she'd meet new friends, unlock her potential, be the best version of herself, meet people that made her feel _happy_ and _wanted_. People that were the complete opposite to her parents, her so called friends, her teachers. She was settled on it. She was going to leave all of this behind and never look back. It felt like a weight had been taken off her back, a weight she'd been carrying for years; it felt like she could finally breathe again.

Chicago. That's where she _belonged_. That's where her life would change _forever_.


	2. welcome to the university of chicago

**one**

 _Welcome to the University of Chicago._

The sky was a sullen grey but the trees above her lay still, the sounds of birds scorch high above, but out of sight. Her hands waded through her hair, angled in every direction. The air had a crisp texture but was perfectly dry. The first day of college. After almost a year of her yearning to be here, she finally was. She walked across a bustling campus, filled with frenzied students rushing to find where they were supposed to be. She'd pray that no one would bump into her because she would be completely tongue tied, unable to speak – her mind going from brilliant to blank in the space of a second. Plus, she hadn't _really_ had that much experience in mass social situations. But now was her time. How hard could it be?

'This suitcase weights like, a thousand pounds? Maybe I shouldn't have brought this much…' she thought to herself as she dragged her suitcase across the rocky campus paths. She felt the vibrations rush through her hands as she gripped even tighter to her suitcase as she went over the bumps. She passed golden leaves on trees, slowly falling to the ground without a care in the world. Snowdrops and bluebells crowded the patches of grass surrounding the large fountain in the centre of campus.

She put her head down and put her earbuds in as she let the music take over her mind. As the words blasted through her brain a numbness flashed through her and she almost dropped her phone onto the floor as the acidic feeling in my stomach fought against the melody.

'Shit!' she whispered under her breath, taken away completely by her clumsiness. She immediately took out her earbuds and put her phone back in her pocket, still looking down. She began to turn a corner when she looked up and smacked right into a guy jogging by.

"Whoa?" He said as they collided, both falling on their feet.

"Ohmygosh, I'm so sorry, are you okay?" She quickly regained her composure but then began to freak out slightly. The guy she'd bumped into was hot. Smoking hot. He had sandy blonde hair and ocean blue eyes. He was tall and muscular; a football player, she'd thought. She snapped out of her trance of staring him down as he got up also.

"My ego's a little bruised." He got up, dusting himself down, smirking. "If the other guys on the team saw me get tackled by a pretty girl, they'd never let me forget it."

'He called me pretty? Ohmygosh. Ohmygosh.' Was all that was circulating through her head at that point. She'd turned into one of those awkward girls that she'd hated all through high school.

"Thanks? I think?" She smiled, hiding her awkwardness well for someone that hadn't encountered this feeling before.

"I'm Matthew Casey. You can call me Matt. Nice to meet you." He extended out his hand to shake mine, and I almost dropped my suitcase, embarrassing myself more. She was secretly screaming internally. A crush? No – she came here to get away from girls like that. She needed to focus on her studies more than anything if she wanted to be a doctor. She recouped her confidence, smiling, and said:

"Nice to meet you too. I'm Gabriela Dawson, but I prefer Gabby. Sorry again." She simpered.

"You sure you're okay? Nothing broken I hope." He laughed. His smile was so contagious and it took all her strength not to giggle then and there.

"I'll be fine." She said, looking down at her hand, seeing it bleeding from it scraping the floor. "My hand's just a little scraped up."

"Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" He seemed genuinely upset by what he'd just done, so she accepted.

"Well, you could help with my bags if that isn't too much of a burden?" She gestured for him to look at her suitcase and the bags she was carrying on her back and in her other hands. He gazed down at her bag, which had popped open. That couldn't be too good.

"Um, Gabby, your stuff is _literally everywhere."_ Her expression was evidently perplexed until she too darted her eyes down to the cobble path, her clothes scattered across the path like litter in a park. How embarrassing, she thought.

He helped her retrieve her items, however in the process she managed to pick up her black lacy bra.

"Oh…wow. I didn't mean to… Uh, is this yours?" He asked, confused.

And when she thought this couldn't get worse.

She grabbed the bra out of his hands and quickly and hectically stuffed it back into her suitcase. She nervously smiled at him, biting her top lip, then realising that she needed to go find her dorm room.

She said, uncomfortable, "I think that's enough help for one day. Thank you though, Matt." She smiled sheepishly and her cheeks blushed a bright shade of crimson.

They were interrupted by a female voice booming from over the quad, "Matthew, there you are! Don't forget about the Kappa house mixer tonight." She giggled loudly as she walked, well more like, strutted over.

"Ah… _Bella_. Hey, I'd _really_ love to go, but I promised my roommates I'd hang out with them." He retorted with a tint of sarcasm, while Gabby just stood there, bewildered by the scene unfolding in front of her.

Bella moved forward, grasping onto Matt's arm, resting her head on his, "Too bad… I _promise_ you'd have a better time with _me…"_ She replied, an obvious sense of desperation in her voice. It's funny how men can never seem to pick up on that. Gabby sensed Matt's awkwardness around the conversation and so butted in,

"Uh… _we're_ kind of in the middle of a conversation…so, Bella, ummm-"

"Oh really, _you're having a conversation._ How cute. It looked to me like _you_ were just leaving."

"Actually, Bella –". Just then, Bella dropped her ice coffee in front of her, splashing it up her clothes. " _Seriously?!"_

"Oops! I'm _so clumsy."_ She giggled, staring Gabby down, twiddling her hair.

"Gabby, your outfit! I'll go get some napkins!" Matt yelled as he jogged off into the distance.

After Matt was out of sight, Bella leaned in close to her. She chewed her gum obnoxiously in her ears, whispering, " _Just so you know, he's mine."_

"Oh, he's _your_ boyfriend?" I asked, flummoxed as to why Matt would choose someone like Bella.

"No. Not yet. But _he will be."_ She snarled.

"That's great, Bella. I couldn't care less about your love life." I scoffed, trying to walk away, but Bella blocked her way.

She continued, "Great. Just stay out of my way, and we'll be fine…what's your name." She asked arrogantly.

"Gabby."

"Gabby. I'll try to remember that." She smiled, imperious, and walked away, giggling to herself. Matt walked up with a stack of paper napkins, handing them to her as she chaotically dabbed her clothes, trying to remove the stain that was forming.

"This is the best I could do. I'm really sorry about Bella." He said, rattled.

"It's a start…I need to find my dorm and change out of this. See you around Matt." She began walking away hastily to find her dorm, agitated by the events that had happened to her, when she saw Matt start to jog away, but not before he said,

"You can count on it, Gabby."


	3. roommates?

**two**

 _Roommates?_

A few minutes later, she was still sauntering around campus trying to find her dorm room. After a few more awkward encounters asking which direction to go in, she finally found the place. She knocked on the door, and before long it swung open to reveal a lounge area, a couch with orange, blue and pink bean bags situated around it, a flat screen TV, a fully functional kitchen area and a dining table which could fit at least seven or eight people. How many people could be here?

Before she could take it in, another girl burst out of one of the other teal coloured doors, running into the kitchen area to greet her.

"Ahhhh! New roomie, you're finally here….and covered in coffee!" She beamed slightly too overenthusiastically.

"Yeah…hi. How come it took so long to find this place?" She asked baffled, putting down her bags.

"That was only you. I got here ages ago. So…the coffee?" She continued, putting the kettle on and sitting down.

"Some girl in the quad…it's stupid." She sighed as she slumped onto the chair.

"Oh, pshhh…well…you're pulling it off. You're _super_ pretty." She smiled at Gabby and she didn't know what to say other than,

"You're _super_ pretty too!" Gabby beamed, and the other girl immediately enveloped her in a hug, and the other girl blushed and looked away, a slight smile curving her lips.

"Too much?" Gabby asked, slightly confused as to if she'd gone too far.

"I'm gonna go with _no."_ She laughed, "But you probably want to get out of those coffee-stained clothes. I'll show you to your room. I'm Leslie by the way."

"Gabriela. I prefer Gabby."

"I can tell we're going to be able to get along, Gabby." She grinned as she walked Gabby through the suite.

"Wait…we have this _whole_ place to ourselves?" She asked, still in awe of the size of the place.

"Ha! I wish. In case you haven't heard, the school's in a housing crunch. This is a eight-person suite!" Leslie seemed completely amazed by it, yet Gabby just cowered over and became slightly more scared.

"Eight's a lot of people. I'm not very good in _social_ situations." Gabby replied to Leslie's confusion.

"We'll be sharing this place with two more girls… _and four guys!"_

Guys? She froze and felt a lump form in her throat. She couldn't let boys distract her like… Matt did that morning. She needed to work.

"And remember, they all say the number one rule of freshman year is _not_ to hook up with your roommates…" Leslie smiled, then sighed, "I don't think that'll be a problem for me."

"How so? If you don't mind." Gabby questioned, oddly intrigued.

"I'm a lesbian. I'm quite open about it." She said bluntly. "My parents don't approve." She continued, trying not to let tears venture their way into her eyes.

Gabby's mouth dropped and a massive smile spread across her face, "Well then, we're going to be great friends. I hate boys in general."

"Why?" Leslie asked, "If you don't mind me saying, you're _way_ too hot not to have had a crush or a boyfriend or… _anything."_

"I was a _massive_ nerd back in high school…everyone hated me back there. I didn't get involved with boys like the rest of the girls did…. they were a _distraction._ Maybe it'll be different here."

"I'll keep that in mind when I need help with work." Leslie smiled and hugged her again. "Anyways…here's your room. Hurry up and get sorted and changed, then we can hit the Welcome Week Fair!"

"I think I'd rather sleep…it's been a long day." Gabby smiled, looking at her watch. It was already 7pm but in all honesty, she wasn't going to sleep…she was going to get everything sorted and then avoid any mass social situations. She knew she'd have to face her fear at some point…but not now.

"Just for a bit. For me?" Leslie smiled, pulling the puppy dog eyes on Gabby until she couldn't say no any longer.

"Fine. But only for a bit." She gave in, sighing.

"Yay!" Leslie threw her arms up in the air and ran out of Gabby's room to change herself.

"Yay." Gabby sighed and thought about banging her head against the wall, but didn't want to explain any of that to Leslie. Not yet.

After Leslie dragged her out of the dorm they arrived at the Welcome Week Fair. They walked around for a bit before Gabby spotted a familiar face at the Kappa Phi Sigma stall.

"Bella." She sighed.

"Who?" Leslie asked. 

"Bella. The one that spilt the coffee all over me this morning?" Gabby explained.

"Ah. You want me to go punch her?" Leslie turned from happy to ferocious in a matter of seconds.

"Umm…. yes. But I don't think that'd be a good idea." Gabby laughed as they continued walking through the fair.

"Ohh…Gabby. Can you not stand so close to our stall?" Bella said arrogantly. "We don't want our pledges think we associate with people like _you._ "

"Woah, Gabby, is this girl serious?" Leslie asked, angry.

"Unfortunately." Gabby sighed even louder this time.

"Time to _move along."_ Bella laughed, smirking and sipping another iced-coffee through an over glorified straw.

"Bella…I see you got a new coffee." Gabby scoffed, accidently knocking her hand against Bella's cup, spilling her coffee all over her.

Bella overdramatically screamed before Leslie smirked, saying "You know coffee stains are _really hard_ to get rid of, right?"

"You're going to regret this. You _just_ made an enemy _for life,_ Gabby." Bella stormed off.

"It's getting dark…and I just got a text from all of our roommates. They're all home!" Leslie tried not to scream with excitement.

"Okay then, let's go meet them." Gabby laughed at Leslie's excitement. She was surprised at how well she handled that situation…maybe it wasn't so hard to stand up to mean girls. Was her suffering in high school just due to her lack of confidence? Either way, she'd just made a friend for life in Leslie. That's something she hadn't known in a long time…and it felt good.

As the sun began to set, Leslie and Gabby walked into the dorm living room to see a girl standing in front of a painter's easel.

"Hey, you must be Gabby and Leslie. I'm Kadyn." She looked up from her easel to softly smile at the both.

"Hey Gabby…she's hot." Leslie whispered in Gabby's ear, causing her to nearly burst out laughing, but luckily, Kadyn didn't seem to notice. Or care, for that matter.

Kadyn stepped up and Gabby offered her hand out to shake it, but Kadyn immediately stopped, saying, "My hands are covered in paint! I don't want to ruin your nice outfit!"

"You're an artist?" Gabby asked, puzzled.

"No way…just a girl that paints." Kadyn replied candidly. "The guys are all up on the roof. I'll be up in a minute."

"No way Kadyn, you're coming with us right now…you can finish your painting later!" Leslie said, dragging Kadyn up to the roof.

"Fine. But I'm picking the music." She laughed as Leslie, Gabby and Kadyn rushed up the stairs to the roof.

The roof opened onto a balcony with another living suite up there, an amazing view of the campus and of the surrounding area. The sky's natural light was destroyed by a looming sea of black - the once salmon pink and purple sky was now only lit up by a canopy of little silver beads, spread around, integrating themselves into the obsidian sky. She'd always liked the night. The darkness was quiet, and it hid her imperfections and flaws, engulfed them in a blanket of the night. The full moon hovered in the twilight, bestowing it's light onto the people below, but that vast inky blackness darkened as the night went on.

"Ready to meet the guys?" Kadyn laughed, walking over to where the guys were congregating around the balcony.

A guy stood in front of her, drinking a beer, lifting his hand up to meet hers,

"I'm Kelly. And not the girls name. Obviously." He smiled. "That's Isabella." He said, pointing to the girl talking to the two boys that looked exactly like each other. She looked perplexed.

"They're twins. The one on the left is Finlay and the one on the right is Riley."

"Okay, gotcha. Wait. Aren't we supposed to have _eight_ roommates?"

"We do," Kelly replied, pointing at a guy that looked familiar to her, yet she couldn't pinpoint it in her mind, until he turned around and it hit her like a brick. She could recognise those eyes anywhere. She froze as Kelly began to speak. "This is – "

 _Matt_.

Matt was my roommate.


	4. roommates? part two

**three.**

 _roommates? part two._

"Matt?" She seemed completely dumfounded. And Annoyed. And uneasy. And scared. And everything else. Honestly, she didn't know how she felt.

"Ahhh…that's where I recognised the name Gabby. Hi roomie!" He replied a little over exuberant. She didn't realise, or understand for that matter, _why_ he was _so_ enthusiastic about this, because she sure wasn't.

"Yeah…um…great to see you too." Gabby replied, uncomfortable. She was still abashed from his reaction to seeing her, _here,_ having to _live_ with her for at least the next _three_ years. The whole thing was a set up for disaster and she really didn't like it.

Kelly, sensing the _history_ between Gabby and Matt, slyly slipped away from conversation, rushing to talk to someone else, _anyone_ else, a vaunting cloud of superiority hovered above him as he slipped away before either Matt or Gabby could realise.

"Heyy Kadyn! How are you on this _fine_ evening?" He inserted himself into the conversation, laughing with Kadyn and Riley, watching Matt and Gabby talk it out awkwardly in the distance. Kelly winked at Matt and gestured at Gabby, Matt returning a death stare and a look which could only be seen as him wanting to either punch him or... _punch him?_ He turned around without Gabby noticing to quickly and mouthed to Kelly, _"I'm going to kill you"._

"Are you okay, Gabby?" Her impulse was to say no, but then she thought of the difficulties of explaining how she felt, so she said yes. Her demons had got her once again and were beginning to take over but she simply could not let that happen, not here, not now, as she breathed in the sanity surrounded by her roommates, while those demons echoed her thoughts in her mind. _Not here, not now._

However, he'd managed to give her just the thing she'd needed. A realisation. _The_ realisation that she was absolutely _not_ okay and could not keep these feelings pent up inside of her anymore. She had to tell _someone._ Leslie, Matt, Kelly, Kadyn, Isabella, Finlay, Riley...anyone. She was surrounded by so many people that made her feel truly wanted, so why couldn't she feel happy?

"Soooo…. what about this roof, huh? You can see the whole town from up here..." He could sense her being uncomfortable and so swiftly changed the topic.

"Yeah! So beautiful…"

Inconveniently, one of the twins walked over and joined the conversation Gabby and Matt were having. Matt took this as an opportunity to quickly run away from the awkward situation.

"Beautiful? I can only assume you're talking about _me."_ He laughed, smiling. His voice was so unfamiliar to her and so she seemed slightly spooked, having almost been awoken from her zoning out into the sky. In fact, she hadn't really heard what he'd said, so she decided on saying the truth.

"I wasn't - " Gabby tried to retort before she was interrupted again.

"I'm just messing with you. I know, I know, I can come on a _little_ bit strong sometimes. I'm Finlay. Nice to meet you…"

"Gabby." She was relieved in some way that she wasn't able to finish her sentence, as she'd really not wanted to have liked to explain that one. She thought it over in her head and shook with disgust before focusing again on what Finlay was saying.

"So...Gabby, what are you studying?"

"Medicine. I want to be a doctor. _Always_ have." She retorted adamantly. That's all she'd came here to do, get her degree and become a doctor. She didn't want boys to be a distraction to that. She'd remember having memories of her six-year old self playing with her mother's stethoscope. She loved memories. Unlike people, they didn't change.

"Hmm...like Leslie huh? You'd fit it. The whole badass, doctor, medical thing. I have a sixth sense for these kind of things." He laughed, staring at Gabby's reaction, which was a mixture of thanks, confusion and uncertainty.

"Thanks? I think?" She replied, more confused than she started out with. She _would_ rather comform to the 'norm' with these people than show her true self, just so that she could screw up, again, like she always somehow did.

"And remember, be yourself; everyone else is taken." At first it seemed like a well-crafted piece of advice, but he knew Gabby was smart enough. He waited for her to catch the reference, and she almost immediately did.

"Isn't that Oscar Wilde? He's literally one of my _favourite authors._ " She scoffed, laughing, like herself. Her laugh was odd but it was unique to her and she was understanding now, in such a short period of time, that being herself was _actually okay._

She whispered under her breath, "Oh my god, I'm _such_ a nerd", her laughter increasing as she tried her absolute hardest not to spit out her beer, which, for the first time of tasting such alcohol, didn't seem too bad. She liked the bitter taste, she joked that it was as bitter as her soul. _Chicago_. This was her home. This was where she found her true self and the people that would stay with her forever. Chicago. Finlay laughed along with her, his laughter turning from a giggle to an outright whale-sounding noise when he heard Gabby's laugh. The others rushed over and surrounded them as they heard the commotion of sniggering.

"What happened here? What on earth is going on?" The rest of them stood there, dumb-founded, as Gabby and Finlay stood there, attempting to stare back at them, but instead erupting like a volcano into more fits of laughter. Finlay was practically dying of laughter as he slumped down, in tears, next to his twin, Riley, who didn't seem the slightest bit bothered by the shenanigans.

"Someone's had a _little_ too much alcohol". Leslie smiled as she grasped the bottle in Gabby's hand and pulled it out, leaving her there laughing like an actual whale. "Yep, someone's _definitely_ had too much alcohol. I wouldn't want to be her in the morning." Leslie began laughing as the rest of them, other than Finlay and Gabby, looked at her in utter shock.

"Leslie...dude, what is _up_ with your _laugh_?" Kadyn and Matt began giggling as Kelly stood there trying to look serious, but broke almost immediately and burst into laughter too. Then, just Gabby and Finlay laughing turned into all eight of them bursting out with laughter, erupting into fits of giggles and taking the mick out of everyone's individual, slightly _odd_ laughs.

A while later, as Finlay finally managed to regain his breath, and both his sense of consciousness and sanity, or rather as much as sanity as he could whilst intoxicated, managed, somehow, to string together to Gabby, stumbling,

"Oh...before I forget...here, take these. They're your keys to the apartment. Do. Not. Loose. Them."

After the amount of alcohol she'd had, that meant nothing. How was she supposed to remember _anything_ with the magnitude of the hangover she'd get in the morning. She was so lucky she didn't have class tomorrow.

He smirked, offering her the keys, before carrying on, hardly taking a breath, rushing off like an excited puppy to talk to everyone. She liked his sense of humour though, it was different, unlike she'd encountered before. She liked being able to joke around with others; it made her feel safe. She took the keys out of his hand, running her thumb across the wavy engraving, looking at the apartment number engraved onto the circular bit of the key. Room 301. Her home for the next three, four, five years. With these insane lunatics, that also made her feel like the _happiest person on the planet._


	5. hangovers and other problems

**four.**

 _hangovers and other problems_

The aching in her skull ebbed and flowed like a cold tide, yet the pain is always there. How much had she had to drink last night? The memories were blurred past her third drink, but who knows, she could have ended up having more. She wouldn't have been surprised if she had; she had gone _mental_ last night; but it was also the first time in a while that she'd felt the refreshing sense of freedom that she always used to feel as a young child.

She understood at once why they called it a 'hangover', for it feels as if the blackest of clouds are hung over your head, with no intention of clearing, until _at least_ the late afternoon. Until now, this is precisely why she had _not_ decided to drink alcohol, especially _not_ excessively, and nor did she plan to _ever again_ if this what was it was like. She had fun, though, for a change. Maybe that was all worth it, she didn't know.

It was about 9am and her alarm had interrupted her sleep like one of those incessant car alarms that never shuts up. She opened her curtains and her eyes struggled to cope with the harsh brightness of the daylight, and she fumbled back onto her bed, rubbing her eyes. Never again, she thought, never again.

She went into the kitchen, the first one up, to make a pot of coffee and ravaged to get herself something, anything, to drink; her throat felt like sandpaper; she didn't feel like eating, she felt more like banging her head over and over on the kitchen surface. She groaned loudly and checked the clock again.

It was odd how she knew exactly how to cure a hangover, although she'd never had one before, bar this morning. She poured herself a cup of coffee and searched all the cupboards for aspirin, but it seemed that there was none. She debated suffering in silence but instead shouted out to everyone, who was still asleep,

"Where's the aspirin?" She asked, too groggy to even comprehend.

She heard a crash as Kadyn and Riley, the only ones who hadn't drunk themselves into oblivion last night, tiredly got up out of bed, and sauntered into the kitchen, followed by an _extremely_ drunk Leslie, trailing out of her room, using the wall next to her almost as a support beam to walk. Her brain felt like it would swell beyond the confines of her skull and now her dehydration was too obvious to ignore; otherwise she would have happily just stayed in bed all day and done nothing. She raised her heavy eyelids half way only for them to fall shut; her stomach lurching and gurgling, craving fluids, anything she could get down to satisfy her stomach's need for food or drink or anything.

Honestly, she could eat wood right now if it would help alleviate this hangover.

"Aspirin…need…aspirin…coffee…" She was almost a zombie, slightly hunched over, unable to string together a sentence that made any sense.

"Um…well. We don't have any aspirin." Kadyn sighed and shrugged her shoulders as she searched every one of the cupboards.

"Ugh…you have _got_ to be kidding me…." Gabby grumbled, almost downing her whole cup of coffee, slouching down into the chair. "I have a lecture…I can't be hungover."

"I can, err, go get some?" Riley said, trying to hold his laughter in. The humorous idiocy of drunk people and discontentment when they awoke from their endeavours with a piercing hangover in the morning was _just hilarious_ to him. He opened the door, sniggering to himself, "I'm so glad I don't get hangovers", walking off into the distance, the door slamming behind him.

"How much did I have to drink last night?"

"I stopped counting after…" she looked down at her fingers, counting, remembering events in her mind, "four…five…maybe six…or seven."

"Thank you for your _amazing_ help, as always." Gabby smiled sarcastically.

"Drunk Leslie is my favourite person _ever"_ Kadyn giggled, pouring Gabby and herself more coffee.

"Speaking of drunk, where are the rest of the boys and Isabella?" Kadyn inquired.

"Still asleep…we would be if we didn't have a lecture." Gabby slowly slammed her head onto the cold table, trying so desperately not to fall asleep.

"Wait, we have a lecture?" Leslie asked, dismayed, suddenly surged with energy.

"Yes, we do…or did you forget?" Kadyn stopped, "Actually, don't worry, you probably don't even remember what day it was yesterday". Kadyn shrugged.

"What day is it?" Leslie and Gabby both asked, in sync.

"Wow, you guys really did have too much to drink", she said under her breath, "it's September 10th."

"Ohhhhhh…. now I remember…" A light in Gabby's brain switched on as she began to relive memories from last night. "Never again am I drinking _that much._ " She vowed.

"Oh, but you _will._ It's bound to happen." Leslie chuckled.

Just then, the door opened, revealing none other than Riley, bearing a few boxes of aspirin and a few other things they'd realised we didn't have, "I come bearing Aspirin….and a few other things", he trailed off, "I'm pretty sure the pharmacy thinks I'm a druggie." He laughed, as Leslie began to start howling with laughter, much to the astonishment of the others.

"How can a noise _that loud_ come out of a person _that tiny?"_ Riley questioned, dumbfounded.

* * *

The lecture hall was busy with new faces and filled with noise, much to the annoyance of the two that had turned up with hangovers.

"It's _so_ loud". Gabby said.

"Maybe, you shouldn't have drunk so much alcohol last night then?" Kadyn reasoned.

They all sat down in a row of three and listened to the lecture, making notes, and trying not to fall asleep. By the end, they were all so drowsy and bored that Gabby and Kadyn went back to the apartment to study some more whilst Leslie went out with someone she'd befriended in the lecture hall.

Gabby almost immediately collapsed onto her bed, 2pm in the afternoon, whilst Kadyn stayed up, painting in the lounge area after studying and corroborating her notes. It seemed like forever until she woke up again, until Isabella, Kelly, Matt and Finlay _finally_ woke up. They talked for a while before watching a few films, then separated back into their rooms.

* * *

Soon after, it began raining. Rain fell in crazy, chaotic drops, the gusting wind carrying them in wild vortices one moment and in diagonal sheets the next. It hammered against the window, turning the sky from a vaguely blue colour to complete darkness, a horrifying and unsettling ashen grey, the only thing illuminating the sky was the moon and the streetlights, like a glaring beacon in a deserted sea. It wasn't a storm; there was no thunder, no lightning, no indication that it was a storm, just an ill-fainted heavy burst of rain.

It wasn't until 9pm when Leslie arrived back at the apartment, everyone in their rooms other than Gabby and Kelly, who were watching something on the TV when Leslie burst in. The hood of her coat was raised, not leaving a bit of skin exposed. Rain and tears mingled on her face, Gabby and Kelly extremely alarmed by her appearance, which was evidently depressed and crestfallen.

"Leslie, are you okay?" Gabby stopped herself, "sorry, dumb question...what happened?"

"They...they...they..." She blubbered, Gabby moving closer to her.

"What happened, Leslie?" Kelly rushed over and held her in his embrace.

"They found out...they...they..." Her sadness meant that she physically couldn't formulate a sentence.

"They found out about what?" Kelly pressed.

She took her hood down, and took off her coat, revealing scratches and bruises all over her face and stomach.

"Leslie, what did they do?" Gabby's jaw dropped, marvelling at what had happened to her.

"They...they...beat me..."

"Why? What did they find out, Leslie?" Gabby was still astonished at who would do this to her, but she had a person in mind. She just hoped that it wasn't true, that her friend wasn't getting physically attacked and punished for something that she had started.

"They found out I was a lesbian...they're all homophobes...and...and..." She could barely stop crying for just a second, Gabby hugging her hard and trying to show her that here, with them, it was okay. Tears left her eyes like water from a waterfall and she just couldn't make it stop.

"Who did?" Kelly asked, his anger at a point where he could just about beat up anyone for doing this to Leslie. "Who did this to you, Leslie?" Kelly was extremely overprotective of his friends and Leslie had become quite a close one at that as of late.

Hearing the commotion from their rooms, the rest of their roommates bundled out into the living room, seeing Leslie, a bunch of _are you okay?_ 's escaping from their mouths in awe. Isabella and Kadyn walked up to Leslie, whilst Matt, Finlay and Riley hung back, giving the girls their space.

"Who did this?" Kadyn asked, again. Then Isabella asked, too. Still, silence. Again, and again. Even Matt and the other boys had asked, even though they hadn't the foggiest about what was going on - they still cared. But still, it was silence. They'd almost given up of getting the answer out of her. It took a lot of deliberation from Leslie before she finally answered.

"Bella."


	6. leslie elizabeth shay

if dreams could fly

 _leslie elizabeth shay_

"Wait…you're telling me that _Bella_ did this?" Matt stepped forward, a look of bewilderment proliferating across his face.

"You're surprised? You know what she's like. You saw what she did to me." Gabby retorted.

"I know that she did that to you" He stopped, "but she's not like _that_. Bella..she wouldn't do that."

"Do you really think she's lying?" Gabby yelled, stepping forwards towards him, pointing back at Leslie, who's face was still stained by tears. "Do you?"

"All I know, is Bella wouldn't do that!"

"Are you mental? You know what…you must be blind to not be able to see how much of a vindictive bitch she is."

"Don't talk about her like that, Gabby."

"Why are you defending her? What has she done to you?"

Leslie's voice quavered, "I need it to _stop._ I need _everything_ …to stop."

Her voice was ignored and Gabby and Matt continued arguing. "Nothing. That's the point…we're…friends."

"It's only because she thinks you're hot! That's the only reason she's friendly with you!"

"Oh. I get it." Matt smiled, sarcastically.

"Guys, stop." Kelly interjected, but still to no avail. They still wouldn't stop.

"You get what." Gabby spat.

"You're jealous." Matt turned to her.

"Jealous? Me? Pffft, no. No." Gabby ignored his comment.

"Guys, stop!" Kelly yelled again, and this time Gabby and Matt finally paid attention.

"What?" They said in sync, darting their eyes angrily at each other.

"She wants to say something." Kelly said, calmly pointing to Leslie, who was shaking behind him.

"You know… some people have it in their heads somehow. That we… that we can't change." She took a big breath in and continued speaking, the shaking ceasing. "That everything should stay traditional; they don't accept anything that isn't how it's been laid out for them. I knew that as soon as people did find out about it, which was going to happen at some point and I wasn't denying it, that I would get some hate about it. In their minds, their twisted, messed-up minds, boys _must_ like girls and girls _must_ like boys, and it can't be different to this. In their minds, it's simple; girls can't like other girls, and boys can't like other boys. They see me, a lesbian, as a threat, and turn violent to stop me ruining, poisoning their ideals. They just don't get it. That's homophobia, and homophobia is such a horrible, horrible thing. I didn't _choose_ to be a lesbian. It's how I _am_ and I've felt that ever since I can remember, and since I can remember, I've been put under scrutiny for it. Do you think that's fair? Being put on trial almost, people trying to change who you are, just because _they_ don't think it's right? Because it doesn't conform to their view of normal? And don't say I'm overreacting because it's my first-time experiencing homophobia. Because it sure as hell is not. My parents kicked me out when I was fourteen years old when they found out I was a lesbian because they 'raised me to like boys'! I lived with my aunt for a few years and then she kicked me out too, and I lived on the streets. Do you know how hard that is? Do you know how that feels? You don't."

Leslie stopped, rubbing her eyes, collecting the tears that had formed there before anyone could see them. She didn't want to be weak. She didn't want them to know. She coughed, turning her attention directly to Matt this time. She rolled her eyes at us all, but stared at Matt for a while, an expression of anger and betrayal across her face. Matt pretended to act perfectly calm but his hands were all over the place, tugging at his collar, scratching his neck, through his fine hair.

"Bella, she's not a good person. And how you can't see that already I don't know. She only pretends to be to the people she wants to use as pawns in her little game of superiority and I didn't fall for it. You did. And so, she punished me for it. She got a bunch of jocks to beat me up, I can still feel the stinging from their punches, their kicks, I can still feel my skin begin to break, bleed, bruise, and you think that's worth defending? I was on the cold, concrete floor, in the dark, alone, and I know it was her. She left me there, insults being thrown at me left, right and centre. I tried to show her that I wasn't hurting, that I was stronger. But she wasn't having any of it; she kicked me again, in the face, and blood began trickling down my nose. Then, nothing; she flipped her hair and…. Look. I know her face. She laughed, spat on the floor next to me and walked away, sniggering. You think _that's_ worth defending? Shame on you. You know her. Her victory is a forgone conclusion; her ego boost at _my_ expense is guaranteed. Guaranteed every single time she sees me; she gets her kicks out of insulting my insecurities and you don't know how hard that is. I've always felt that I wasn't normal in the sense that I didn't like boys in that way, I never had. I was so insecure about my homosexuality. She used that against me and she will use that against me every second I breathe. She feeds of my pain like an aphid on new spring growth, leaving energized, buzzing, and me, drained, tense, unable to move, almost. Pain. That's how I feel. Constantly in pain, constantly in fear of what the next person's going to do once they find out that you're homosexual. And for you, it's nothing, it's who you are. But for people like Bella, it's not like that. She doesn't see me being lesbian as a part of me, she sees it as a choice I made, and she disrespects and abuses that _choice._ You still think she's worth defending? She is a _bully_ Matt. It's a shame you can't see that. All I know is that when she's done with you she'll eat you up and spit you out as if you're just a piece of trash. I can already tell you that feeling, that feeling isn't a good feeling. _I feel…I feel lonely. I'm standing here, wondering, what the hell I did to you to make you hate me so much. What did I do, huh?_ I mean, you must hate me that much to defend someone like Bella… I can't think of what I've done, so please. Help me understand. Why?" She paused briefly, "So, I'm going to ask you one more time. Or more, I'm going to _tell you_. If you still feel the need to defend that insatiable monster, you're going to have to find somewhere else to live."

Leslie scoffed, walking off to her room, locking the door behind her before anyone could reach her, many unsaid words and feelings tagging behind her. She let out a sigh and shut her door, sliding down onto the floor; her face felt like it was on fire. She got up after a while, sitting on her bed and picking her pillow up, cradling it, rocking back and forward. She didn't care about emotions anymore. She let them all go. She sat there and felt the tears venture into her eyes and she didn't even care. She just sat there; letting her emotions take over, screaming and crying.

They wanted to get to know the _real_ Leslie Shay and they just did. She was the bright, beautiful, brilliant girl, who leaves the bad times behind her to deteriorate into nothing, and keeps the good ones close to her heart in hope that one day someone will bring it up again at a midnight bash when you're all a little tipsy and free of troubles and you'll replay it in your head again and again, remembering how alive you are. That's what they knew her as. Not this, not damaged, not afraid, not lonely. But to keep all those feelings pent up, hidden for so long, from the people that live with her; she was one of the strongest people they knew. They all wanted to help her; they wanted to make her feel like she could share anything with them, because that's what friends do.

"Leslie…please. Let me in." Gabby breathed in, knocking on her door. The others stood behind her, but far enough behind so that Leslie could only see Gabby's shadow forming on the floor near her door.

"Please. It's just me." She pleaded. Nothing. She debated picking the lock and forcing her way in but then realised that it would probably only make matters worse. She stood there for a while when she heard the lock unclick on the other side.

She opened the door, revealing Leslie, her mascara running down her face like words on a page, the underneath of her eyes red and bloated. She'd obviously been crying.

"Leslie…"

"I'm fine."

"You're lying" she trailed off, "I know when my best friend is sad and that is what you are right now. Now, come on, talk to me about it." She sat down at the end of the bed, looking at Leslie right in her teary, water-filled eyes. She could barely speak, all she could do was stutter, her words stumbled out of her mouth but fell off the end of her tongue. She sat up and looked her in her eyes. Those, sweet, innocent eyes.

"It's just…I thought I could escape it here." Leslie blubbered.

"The homophobia?" Gabby asked.

"Yeah…my parents…they weren't exactly supportive of my whole coming out experience." Leslie sighed.

"You don't have to hide who you are from us", Gabby smiled, as the rest of the housemates bundled into the room, "we're not going to judge you for who you are. You're a great person, Leslie, and a great friend. You have nothing to worry about with us."

"I know…thank you. I love you all so much." Leslie began to smile, wrapping her arms around Gabby, almost strangling her. It felt good to let all her feelings out. To know that she was safe, to know she wasn't going to be judged by her roommates for her homosexuality.

And then, just like that, it went back to normal. It was like _nothing ever happened._

The roommates all filed back into their respective rooms, doing their own things.

Riley and Finlay were having their _daily_ argument about some irrelevant topic that no one else cared for, nor wanted to be a part of…like who was stronger, or something. Leslie was in her room on her laptop, lights off. The smell of food from the kitchen from Kadyn and Isabella's late night concoction seeped into the room as she slammed the lid shut. All she wanted then was to slip away into her own thoughts, but alas, no such thing could have been done as the door flew open and a familiar shape walked to where she sat.

"Come in?" Leslie snapped, sarcastically, as Gabby walked straight into her room.

"Thank you for your _generous_ hospitality. I'll be sure to rate it five stars on .com" She joked, kicking a stray sock aside, planting herself on the end of her bed.

"So…" Gabby trailed off. "What _are_ you doing?"

"The usual." Leslie replied, curtly, "Hobbies. Things. People. Places."

"People?" Gabby paused, eyebrows raised. She rolled her eyes, glaring at her laptop screen.

"I meant…talking." Leslie bitterness had turned sweet as she grinned.

"Shame. I swear I heard you _talking_ about that _girl_ in class…" Gabby mocked, poking her stomach, making Leslie fold over with laughter.

Leslie recovered, "You mean Emily Walsh? She's…just a friend."

" _Totally."_ Gabby wasn't convinced.

"I am serious!" Leslie laughed, tossing her pillow into Gabby's face.

" _Seriously_ though?"

"Yeah…yeah. I think I do." Leslie grinned, biting her top lip.

"That's great, Leslie. I'm so proud of you."

"For what?"

"For not being afraid to be who you are."

Leslie simply just smiled.

"You want me to go?" Gabby got up, about to leave Leslie's room when she heard a quiet voice.

"No…stay. I don't want to be alone." Leslie pleaded. Gabby sat back down on the end of the bed.

"I love you Gabby. Not…in the romantic way, though. Um…obviously" Leslie laughed.

"I know, you big goofball. Calm. I love you too, Leslie."


End file.
